Breaking Free: Overcoming the Fear of Failure and the Fear of Success 

Fear is a paradox. It can feel like a protective shield, keeping us safe from harm, yet more often, it becomes a cage—trapping us in self-doubt, stagnation, and regret. Two of the most insidious fears that prevent us from living our fullest lives are the fear of failure and the fear of success. At first glance, they seem like opposites, but they stem from the same source: a deep-rooted belief that we are not enough, that we are unworthy of love, happiness, and fulfillment. 

But here’s the truth: Fear is a mirage. It is, as the acronym suggests, False Evidence Appearing Real. Our brains, wired for survival, misinterpret the unknown as a threat. Yet, by understanding the neuroscience of fear, practicing mindfulness, and using psychology-backed coaching techniques, we can dismantle these illusions and step into the lives we were meant to live. 

The Neuroscience of Fear: Why We Stay Stuck 

The brain is an incredible organ, designed to keep us alive at all costs. The amygdala, often called the brain’s fear center, processes threats and triggers our fight-or-flight response. In early human history, this was necessary for survival—helping us escape predators and avoid life-threatening dangers. But in modern life, our brains often perceive social rejection, creative risks, or career changes as equally dangerous. 

Neuroscientific research shows that fear hijacks our ability to think rationally, reducing activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, problem-solving, and creativity (LeDoux, 2000). When we fear failure, our brain treats it as an existential threat, triggering avoidance patterns that keep us trapped in our comfort zones. 

Similarly, the fear of success stems from our brain’s preference for familiarity. The basal ganglia, responsible for habitual behavior, resists change—even positive change. This is why people often sabotage their own success; their brain associates achievement with unfamiliarity, and unfamiliarity feels dangerous. 

However, the good news is that the brain is adaptable. Through neuroplasticity, we can rewire our thought patterns, shifting from fear-based reactions to empowered action.

Mindfulness and Psychology: How Fear Robs Us of Our True Potential 

Fear as a Creativity Killer 

Fear shrinks our world. It tells us we aren’t talented enough to start that creative project, smart enough to pursue our dream career, or worthy enough to share our gifts with the world. 

Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on fixed vs. growth mindsets shows that when we believe failure is a sign of inadequacy (fixed mindset), we avoid risks that could lead to learning and growth. But when we see failure as a stepping stone to mastery (growth mindset), we persist through challenges and unlock our creative potential (Dweck, 2006).

Fear as a Thief of Joy 

Fear convinces us that happiness is conditional: “I’ll be happy when I’m successful,” or, “I’ll be happy when I never make a mistake.” But happiness is not the result of external achievement; it is a practice. 

Studies in positive psychology reveal that sustainable happiness is cultivated through gratitude, self-compassion, and meaningful engagement with life—not through the absence of failure or the presence of success (Lyubomirsky, 2007). 

Fear as a Block to Self-Love 

At its core, fear is rooted in self-doubt. If we deeply loved ourselves, failure wouldn’t feel like a reflection of our worth, and success wouldn’t feel like a burden. True confidence is not the absence of fear but the ability to move forward in spite of it. 

Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion shows that being kind to ourselves during moments of failure makes us more resilient, not less (Neff, 2011). Self-love dismantles fear’s power over us because when we embrace ourselves fully—flaws and all—we stop seeing failure or success as threats.

Coaching Tools & Exercises to Overcome Fear 

Here are some transformative exercises to help you release fear and step into your highest potential: 

1. Fear-Setting Exercise (Inspired by Tim Ferriss) 

Instead of goal-setting, try fear-setting:  

• Write down your biggest fear.  

• List the worst-case scenario in detail.  

• Write down how you would recover if that scenario happened.  

Then, list the best-case scenario and how it could positively transform your life. This process helps reframe fear and highlights that the potential reward often far outweighs the risk.

2. Rewriting Fear-Based Stories 

Write a letter from your future self—the one who has already achieved your dream. What advice would they give you? What fears did they overcome? 

This exercise taps into visualization, a powerful neuroscience-backed tool that rewires neural pathways (Driskell et al., 1994). 

3. The 5-Second Rule (Mel Robbins) 

When fear paralyzes you, count down from five and take immediate action. Neuroscientific research shows that deliberate, quick action interrupts the brain’s fear response (Robbins, 2017). 

4. The “If I Loved Myself” Practice 

Before making decisions, ask: “What would I do if I deeply loved myself?” This question shifts the focus from fear to self-love, leading to decisions that align with your true happiness.

Final Thoughts: Fear is a Trap, Love is the Key 

Fear is an illusion that keeps us from embracing the life we were meant to live. But self-love dissolves fear’s grip. When we learn to love ourselves fully—our failures, our successes, and everything in between—we break free. 

In no way am I suggesting that this process is always easy or straight forward, but it is worth it. You are worth it. The first step can be the hardest. One foot in front of the other. One task at a time, one day at a time we can overcome even our darkest fear of just how great we can be! Remember to give your self grace along your journey and rewards as you go. 

What dreams have you been holding back because of fear? What would happen if you chose love instead? 

Take a chance on yourself today. Choose to be fearless in the pursuit of your dreams. If you can imagine it, see yourself doing it, it is possible. The world needs your gifts. Your voice. Your creativity. And most of all—your courage. It’s time to step into your power. 

I believe in you! Best of luck!

❤️Vichelle

😁 If you would like support overcoming your fear and turning your dreams or ideas into actionable steps book. Free 50 minute Discovery Session with me at Meraki Eclectic Coaching: https://paperbell.me/vichelle-mixon-1

Works Cited

Dweck, Carol S. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House, 2006. 

Driskell, James E., Carolyn Copper, and Aidan Moran. “Does mental practice enhance performance?” Journal of Applied Psychology, vol. 79, no. 4, 1994, pp. 481–492.

LeDoux, Joseph E. The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life. 

Simon & Schuster, 2000. Lyubomirsky, Sonja. The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want. Penguin, 2007. 

Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind. HarperCollins, 2011. 

Robbins, Mel. The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage. Savio Republic, 2017.