The Courage to Ask for Help: Self-Love, Trauma, and the Healing Power of Community 

There is a quiet bravery in choosing to keep going when life has shattered your trust, your sense of safety, your belief in love or belonging. Survivors of trauma—whether from abuse, betrayal, loss, or neglect—often carry invisible wounds that shape the way we see ourselves and the world around us. We learn to survive in silence, to avoid being a burden, to smile through pain. But what if our deepest healing begins not in strength alone, but in allowing ourselves to be seen—especially in the moments we feel most broken? 

“Trauma leaves us believing that we are alone, that we must manage on our own, that we are fundamentally unlovable. But these are lies trauma teaches us.” — Oprah Winfrey, What Happened to You?

For many of us, asking for help feels like weakness. But self-love isn’t just lighting candles, saying affirmations, or doing yoga on a Sunday morning. Self-love is also allowing ourselves to reach out when we are drowning. It’s whispering, “I need you,” even when our past tells us connection isn’t safe. It’s saying, “I matter,” when everything in our body wants to disappear. 

Trauma, especially in childhood or in intimate relationships, wires our nervous systems to stay on alert. We live in states of survival—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—long after the danger has passed. According to Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey, “Being able to understand what happened to us, especially when we were young, helps us begin to undo the deeply rooted patterns of fear, shame, or unworthiness.” That understanding takes time, patience, and the safety of community.

“When people are kind to us, we begin to question the lies that trauma told us about who we are.” — Dr. Bruce Perry, What Happened to You?

We heal in connection. We learn to breathe again when someone says, “I see you.” We soften when someone holds space for our tears. That’s why vulnerability is one of the greatest acts of courage a survivor can offer—not just for themselves, but for the people around them. Your willingness to be real gives others permission to show up more authentically, too. 

Walking in courage doesn’t mean pretending to have it all together. It means choosing, every day, to keep showing up for yourself. To listen to your inner child. To tell the truth, even if your voice shakes. And to let others walk with you—not because you can’t do it alone, but because you don’t have to.

When we respect our own journey, with all its mess and beauty, we begin to see that healing is not linear. Some days we grow. Some days we grieve. Some days we ask for help. And all of it is holy.

“You are not broken. There’s nothing wrong with you. But there may be a part of your story that needs to be heard, held, and honored.” — Oprah Winfrey, What Happened to You?

Let this be your reminder: You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to receive. You are allowed to be vulnerable, even in the dark. And you are worthy of love—not because of what you’ve survived, but simply because you exist. 

Community doesn’t mean you have to be surrounded by dozens of people. Sometimes it’s one person who sees you. Sometimes it’s a support group, a therapist, a spiritual practice, a coach, or even a stranger who speaks kindness at the right moment. Wherever you are on your journey, know this: healing isn’t a destination. It’s a sacred unfolding. You are allowed to take up space in your own life. You are not alone. You never were.

Believe me when I say—I know how hard it can be to ask for help. Just recently, I had to swallow my pride and reach out myself. That moment of vulnerability is exactly what inspired this blog post. 

Even when we’re on our knees, with our backs against the wall, we are still deeply loved. The hardest part is remembering that in the thick of it.

But here’s what I’ve learned: when we find the courage to love ourselves enough to ask for support—to be seen in our rawest truth—we often discover there are people who want to show up for us. People who are ready to hold us high, remind us of our worth, or lend a hand in whatever way they genuinely can.

But we have to ask. We have to let them in. 

We have to trust that we are worthy of support, of love, and of healing. 

And we are. 

Healing is possible—and you are already so much more powerful than you know.

A Personal Invitation 

I understand your pain. I know your tears. I’ve felt my own version of heartbreak, and I know how hard it can be to get over the hump of whatever may have happened to you—not just once, but over and over again. I also know this: healing is possible. It’s not easy, and it’s not quick, but it is real.

It’s hard to do it alone. And while healing is an inside job, we are not meant to walk the path by ourselves. Sometimes we just need someone to hold space for us, to walk beside us as we find our way back to ourselves. 

If you are ready for support on your journey, I would be honored to walk with you. I’m an advanced certified trauma-informed coach offering a 12-week one-on-one coaching program, and I’ve created a self-paced trauma recovery workbook called Love Always Wins. Both are designed to gently guide you through the process of reclaiming your voice, honoring your truth, and remembering just how worthy and radiant you truly are.

✨ Learn more or reach out here: 

 https://paperbell.me/vichelle-mixon-1 

You don’t have to do this alone.

 With love always, Vichelle